Maybe It’s Not You. Maybe It’s the Framework.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated, confused, or quietly defeated around food or your body, I want to start here:

Of course this is hard.

We’re trying to make a very broken system work for very real, complex, individual human bodies. And when it doesn’t work, we tend to assume the problem is us - our discipline, our willpower, our ability to “do it right.”

But what if the framework itself is the problem?

“Stop blaming yourself for not fitting into systems that were never designed to honor individuality.”

When the System Doesn’t Fit

Much of Western diet culture asks us to reduce our experience as humans to numbers: calories, macros, weight, BMI. These tools were never meant to tell the whole story, yet they’ve quietly become the loudest voices in the room.

We are far more dynamic than any single metric. Our bodies respond to stress, sleep, hormones, seasons, illness, emotions, connection, and disconnection. Trying to define “health” by one number often creates more confusion than clarity.

And yet, I understand the pull of numbers. I was raised in this culture too. Wanting to see a number change doesn’t make you shallow or wrong. But just because the pull is there doesn’t mean we have to follow it.

Here’s something I pay close attention to in my work:
When the way we’re eating increases disconnection from ourselves, that matters.

“If the way we’re eating increases disconnection from ourselves, that’s information.”

Not necessarily failure. Not a moral issue. Information.

How Food Became Punitive

One of the biggest misunderstandings in Western diet culture is the idea that food is primarily a math problem. Calories in, calories out. Eat less. Try harder.

But bodies don’t work in isolation. Food doesn’t exist in a vacuum. You can’t silo nutrition from the rest of your life and expect your body to respond kindly.

Satiety isn’t just about calories. It’s about being met.

Will this food ground you?
Will it keep you from feeling ravenous later?
Will it offer warmth, comfort, or regulation after a hard day?

When food becomes punitive, the body hears fear. And fear puts the body into preservation mode, not healing mode. Restriction often backfires not because people “lack discipline,” but because the body is responding exactly as it was designed to: protect, conserve, survive.

“Food was never meant to be punitive.”

A More Humane Lens

One of the things I deeply appreciate about Chinese medicine and food energetics is how human it is.

Food is considered in context. Not just what you eat, but who you are, what season you’re in, what your body is experiencing, and what your life actually looks like right now.

Warmth matters. Comfort matters. Timing matters. Individuality matters.

There’s a reason chicken soup sounds good when you’re sick. And if a “healthy eating plan” doesn’t allow space for nourishment and comfort when your body is asking for it, something has gone off track.

Food was never meant to be purely mechanical. It’s relational. It’s supportive. It’s meant to bring us back into ourselves, not further away.

And sometimes, overly rigid rules don’t bring us closer to health - they push us toward isolation instead of connection. That, too, tends to backfire.

Cravings Are Communication, Not Sabotage

We often talk about cravings as something to overcome or suppress. But what if cravings are actually your body trying to communicate?

Craving salt might mean your body needs electrolytes.
Craving sweetness might be about regulation or energy.
Craving something heavier or grounding might reflect a need for stability or safety.

Listening doesn’t mean blindly obeying every craving. It means getting curious instead of combative.

Even when cravings seem “unreasonable,” the body is still trying to say something. Our job isn’t to white-knuckle restriction harder. Our job is to learn how to listen more skillfully.

An Invitation, Not an Answer

There is no one-size-fits-all way to eat. There never has been.

That’s why the rules feel contradictory. That’s why every person seems to have a different answer. And that’s why so many people feel like they’re failing at something that was never designed for individuality in the first place.

But there are some things that can be universal:

• Learning how to listen to your body

• Letting go of food morality

• Treating body signals with curiosity instead of ridicule

• Questioning systems that don’t feel right instead of assuming you are the problem

This isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating space to ask better questions.

“Your body isn’t broken. The framework might be.”

If this resonates, you’re not alone. And if it leaves you curious rather than certain, that’s okay too. We don’t need perfection here. We get to keep learning together.